Although I rarely pose questions on my site (because I think you come here to be entertained and not quizzed) there is a question that has been bouncing around in my head for days now. And I can not come up with a decent answer. I hoping you can help…
"What is the upside to being the ‘responsible one’?"
You should know that I am a responsibility MAGNET. My life is full of responsibility and obligations to others. And most of the time I am totally okay with it. Actually I am still okay with it…but lately I have just started wondering WHY I do this? Why do I offer to take it all on? Why can’t I be the slacker person? Why am I addicted to responsibility? And WHAT IS THE PAY OFF for me?
So Internet…can you please offer some wisdom? Thank you. You guys are way better than therapy. And cheaper too.
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
You can’t be the slacker because you can’t. Simple as that. You could try for a while but I can almost guarantee it wont be a good fit and you’ll go right back to being who you really are – and we all love ya for it so don’t go changin!
That will 25 bazillion dollars. The bill is in the mail. :)
Hmmm…good question. I used to be the same way ALL THE TIME and then one day, I took a break. It’s lasted for awhile :D If it makes you happy, do it. If not, I would say no. I find it empowering.
There is really no upside. Not that I have ever discovered. It amazes me how people will come late to work or class, not worry about anything in their lives and they just breeze through and here I worry and plan and do as I should and have stress!!! UGH. Probably not what you wanted to hear.
As one myself, I have the hard answers:
1. You are in control.
2. You get to feel superior.
3. You get to be bossy.
and the other answers:
4. Somebody has to do it.
5. You sleep better having done The Right Thing.
6. As my best friend Susan and I always say about each other, you can’t help yourself because you are THE VILLAGE IDIOT. (That’s what we tell each other when we ask, “Why do WE always have to be there first to set up and last to clean up?” and other such conundrums.)
This is where I was two years ago. And I had no peace.
I made a conscious choice (based on a clear Word from the Lord)to not renew commitments of any kind – with the exception of piano lessons.
I lost some friends over it – but it was the best decision I ever made for ME, my peace and my relationship with the Lord.
I also learned a TON about myself by reading the book Codependent No More – Melodie Beatty, I think, is the author.
Once I learned how to be okay even if someone around me or circumstances around me WEREN’T okay, my life changed.
Love ya’, girl. I’m sorry that you are struggling right now. I’m here to help you figure out what we need to do to get you better.
Oh and….. consider this.
Does being the ‘responsible one’ meet some sort of need for you identity-wise?
I think we all need to ask ourselves where our identity comes from. If it comes from keeping up appearances to make people believe we are who we want them to think we are – well, that does NOT line up with who GOD SAYS WE ARE.
Anytime we find our identity in something other than HIM, we’re worshiping something else. (A little sin called idolatry. Ouch!)
And believe me, I struggle with it all the freakin’ time. The list of lies I buy about myself is LONG.
It’s a problem – because it keeps me from God fully intended purpose for me.
I don’t know. Just thinking out loud. And praying for you, my friend.
One could argue that being the responsible one means one has control, and one knows how, hen, and whether things are done as they should be.
It’s also a drag, especially when people use one’s sense of responsibility as an excuse to slack off or to fail utterly.
T doesn’t go to the gym, and it’s my fault because I don’t nag him about it. Wha…?
Our roommate has gained back the weight he lost after his sextuple bypass two years ago, and it’s my fault because I don’t force him to eat the healthy meals I cook rather than the fast food or takeout he wants. Excuse me?
It’s a fine line. Ultimately, I would say there’s an upside in the satisfaction of a job done and done well, but not so much when the responsibility is for other adults and their behavior. Confused yet? Good – I so loathe being all muddled up in the head by myself!
Shade and Sweetwater,
K
Being the self-described slacker mom, I can’t even relate. However, I do know that I wish I had so many of your qualities.
The upside to being the ‘responsible one’ is that this is who you are and you’re pretty darn amazing.
On the other hand, if you want any tips on guilt-free slacking, I’m your gal.
I am somwhat of a responsibility magnet as well.
I think it’s because you can’t be let down if you are the one who is in charge of getting everything done. People can’t dissappoint you that way. It’s easier to just do it yourself the way you want it done than it is to explain it to someone else and then have them mess it up anyway, or not get it done at all.
Also, I have a motto that you can’t care more about someone else’s issue’s than they care themselves. I refuse. It’s not slacking, it’s just having boundaries.
I also like what Soliloquey says on the this.
First, find yourself a WAY irresponsible family and group of friends. Then you can be The Responsible One with reeeeeally low expectations for success. Read; you get to slack AND lord it over them at the same time.
Problem solved.
Hang in there, Marcy — I’ve been where you are, and it took a serious illness to turn me off of it. (Don’t worry, nothing life-threatening — it was The Sniffles.) :)
As a self-proclaimed control freak, I have to say that no one does it better than me. I need a 12-step program or at least lessons in delegation or “No Thank-You 101″.