Every now and then I have to break from the funny and write about something that just totally and completely pisses me off. And I do so, knowing that there is a very good chance I will upset SOME of my readers. So I usually sit on it, wait a little bit until I feel like I HAVE to blog about it or EXPLODE.
Let me give the facts:
- Woman gave birth to 8 babies at once
- She is 33 years old
- She has 6 other children
- Those children are ages 2-7 (a set of twins included)
- She lives with her parents in a very modest 3 bedroom home.
- This woman is single.
- She had in-vitro fertilization
- No one knows the fertility clinic used
- The grandfather of the 8 babies is returning to his native Iraq to earn money to pay for all these children.
- The same grandfather told reporters he was taking everyone away where “no one (media) will ever be able to reach them”
- The mother AND her family recently filed for bankruptcy.
Okay so those are the facts. Some of which you already know from the overly glowing headlines about this successful birth. Successful? The babies are so premature and underweight they don’t even have intestines yet. Because this mother choose to take the ultimate gamble and have 8 eggs implanted, and all 8 took, she has now compromised the health of ALL the children. And let’s talk about in-vitro…most fertility Doctors coming forward say that assisting in fertility on a 33 year old woman who already has 6 young children is UNETHICAL. So who did this? No one knows. But when we find out, they should have their license pulled.
Since the media (thank you CNN and FOXNews) insists on trying to paint this as a GOOD THING. I am repulsed. Let me be the first to say that is disgusting and this woman need a psyche evaluation pronto. I can not imagine a woman doing this, not only to these premature babies, but to the 6 small children she ALREADY HAD. How do you explain to them that they can’t have new school clothes, or a playdate or even a birthday present because mommy choose to have 8 more babies while she was in bankruptcy? How do you tell the 2 year old she already has that she will have to wait to get her breakfast until all 8 of the other babies are feed first? I am heartbroken by this act. Those poor poor children.
Now lets talk money. Not money to raise all 14 children under 7, that I will get to later. Let’s talk about the TEAM of doctors, nurses and specialist that worked for months planning the delivery of these premature babies. And the slew of people still caring for them around the clock in the neonatal care. And we all know the odds of these premies having medical complications is very high. So I am sure this mom is expecting SOME ONE ELSE to pic up the tab on that too. Ever wonder why insurance is so expensive? THIS IS WHY. People carelessly and thoughtlessly put themselves in situations which require an insane amount of resources.
Okay so lets now address the issue at hand. And let me defend myself before I am attacked. I happen to think the advances in fertility treatments are great. I think being able to give a couple a baby of their own after years of trying is really a good thing. BUT (and its a big but) If you are going to engage in any fertility treatments where the odds of extreme multiples are a possibility you had better be darn ready to ‘eliminate’. What? You are not comfortable with that? Because you don’t want to “play God?”…well then you shouldn’t have “played God” and messed with extreme fertility in the first place. If you had left everything ‘up to God’ then you would know God had decided not to give you a natural baby yet. Perhaps he intended for you to adopt? Or perhaps he just wanted you to wait a little longer….but no you ran down to the fertility doctor and had him get involved and now you find you have 3, 4 or 8 babies in there. If you do not eliminate you are putting all of them at risk and at best compromising the quality of life for one or all if they have birth defects from being premature. You are facing a ‘Sofie’s Choice’ of your own making. I know, I know you watch John and Kate plus 8 and you think it works out perfect all the time. THEY ARE ANY EXCEPTION. Why the heck do you think they got a TV show?
Now discuss in the comments. Play fair though. No personal attacks on each other. When I feel this strongly about something I always stop and think…’there is someone out there who feels JUST AS STRONG’ against me. I know that. And you know what? That is okay.
*UPDATE: Since I wrote this post a bit of information has come out about the mother. Apparently she has been obsessed with having children since she was 14. She saw a therapist about this issue for years. Her mother did not support her IVF decision, and actually knew nothing about it until she was 4 months pregnant. The home all 17 people are planning on living in is 1300 sq ft and has 2 bedrooms and 1 bathroom. It has been reported that DCS is already saying they will not allow it. It is now generally accepted this woman is MENTALLY ILL. She had been working in a fertility clinic as well (this media report is sketchy at best) She has also told the media she expects to make $2 million for her first interview. So far, no one is offering her money for an interview (thank goodness).
{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
I hear ya. And despite everything I’d previously thought you found a way to add even more perspective to something I hadn’t fully thought through. As much as I like my own NATURAL children I could not fathom having eight children at once.
Gone are the days of the Quints. This popularity has become far to overblown and we really need to think… what if they all take. Seriously, I do feel for the expense of the procedure required for invitro but why not implant TWO eggs at a time. Twins…okay; but EIGHT. OMG!!!!
Couldn’t agree with you more.
I can’t agree more with everything you said. I had a 16 month old when my twins were born, and my mom helped me alot! My daughter was “only” in the hospital for one month, and that was hard enough. I can’t imagine the logistics of the household…
In my opinion, only an extremely selfish person would have 8 eggs implanted when she has 6 kids under 7 at home. I could be really snarky, but I just feel sad for all those children.
I have a friend that did in vitro- and only implanted 2 because of the risk of this. Both embryos took so she got twins. The hoped for outcome.
I’m angry at this for all of the same reasons as you except the elimination part. I’m not a believer in ‘selective elimination’. I blame the fert. dr. and think he should start to pay for their care. Esp. since he was the one that allowed it to happen in the first place.
Unfortunately cases like this, Jon and Kate, etc, tell people it’s ok to do this because some ‘corporation’ will come to the rescue. The sad thing is that the novelty is wearing off and I’m guessing corporations are now saying enough already and not coming to the rescue for this anymore.
You have just summed up all of my own thoughts on this! Thank you. I was beginning to foam at the mouth trying to gather my words into coherent paragraphs.
One word spring to mind: irresponsible. If I think on it beyond that, I begin to froth, bubble, and become incoherent.
Shade and Sweetwater,
K (who really could write pages on this subject…)
All I can say is: amen.
I know Jon and Kate are giving people hope and whatnot but it’s a huge mistake to listen when they blabble about how their show “is real life.” It’s real life if someone else foots the bill and you get to move into a mansion on a hill despite not having a real job. It’s real life if your 8 kids get white-glove treatment everywhere they go simply because cameras are watching. It’s real life is a company ships you scads of free groceries and the only string attached is that you have to keep the label facing out at all times. It’s NOT real life for every other family on the planet with multiples.
And that woman with the bazillion kids who went and had shady fertility treatments? Unfortunately I think we are going to be hearing about her next when DCS has to take a few of them away. My heart breaks for everyone involved.
I so, so agree. We have a friend who needed IVF to get pregnant, and I can’t wait to hear her thoughts on this.
I know when she had the first round, the doctors wouldn’t implant more than three since she was under 35. She said after 35 they will implant four due to the decreased possibility of any of them taking, much less all. So for a doctor to implant 8 in a 33 year old woman is just wrong.
I completely agree, also, that that doctor should have his/her license pulled. At this point I have to wonder if the doctor really explained all of this to the woman before the embryos were implanted, but wanted to make a name by being the first to help a woman have this many babies. Humans are not dogs, we are not supposed to have litters!
BTW, 6 + 8 = 14, not 12. (Math usually gets me in trouble, but I saw where someone else had added it up :0) )
that woman is fucking disgusting!
the answer to pro-lifers who want to do IVF is not to implant more embryos than you can have. I know that may cost more in terms of having to try more times, but at least you don’t sell out your own values and you don’t kill a human life (if that is your belief-and it is mine).
I really, really want to know how she even paid for the fertility treatments? Isn’t she already broke and bankrupt?
I am so truly disgusted at this whole story I can hardly stand it.
When I heard about this in the news I had no clue what to even think…how could she do this to her kids??!!! I really hope CPS looks into this case and takes the appropriate steps to help all of these poor kids. :(
100% agree.
I wondered right away if she did it hoping to make a name for herself and be like Jon and Kate plus 8. As a way to get out of financial problems and make money, garner publicity, etc. It is really, really sad for the children involved. All of them.
Don’t suppose fielding both sides of a basketball game matters to anyone. Well then, how about supplying the cheerleaders too!
I agree, Marcy. :) Thanks for putting it in a way I couldn’t…
May God (whatever God you or this woman believes in) bless these children and look out for their safety, no matter how irresponsible the mother is.
since the doctor(s) involved are the educated professionals, the responsibility rests squarely on them. not only should their licenses be pulled, they should be held financially responsible somehow. implanting 8 fetuses is immoral and unethical.
reality tv sucks too!!!!
Of course her actions were foolish and bad, I agree with that. But worst mother of the year? Really? Out there right now somewhere in America there are women who severely beat or worse their own children. By overstating things with your worst title you undermined your own points.
And. AND. Someone paid for the in-vitro. Someone. Not her. And she is expecting to get paid for media exposure.
OHHHHH… don;t get me started!
The father is not returning to his “native Iraq”. News reports say he’s a US contractor returning to Iraq – sometimes the contractors get in excess of 100k USD a year. Which doesn’t make it all okay but clarifies a point.
As to the personal responsibility thing, I agree with most of your blog that the woman’s actions shouldn’t be applauded. But I also think she’s likely mentally ill.
Well put.
I am so sad for ALL of the children involved in this. Three under two was a huge amount of work, with a devoted husband. Fourteen under 7? Impossible.
I heard on TV today that all her other children were by in vitro. Seems like a fertility doctor needs to read the ethics involved again.
I agree! So irresponsible!
What I DO agree with is the question of ethics as far as the medical persons involved are concerned. I think Kaiser Permanente should be answering these questions instead of the general public pointing the finger at this woman.
We don’t know her. We don’t know WHAT kind of mother she is. I find it kind of sad how quickly we judge and turn on people.
A friend in France told me about this story. I couldn’t believe that doctors put at stake the life of 8 babies and their mother. Where the code of ethics in this story, there’s just a place in the Guinness book of Records at the end.
And what recoord ?!! Pathetic.
Wow, exactly my thoughts, 100%. I’m absolutely flabbergasted that a woman with 6 children would continue to receive fertility treatments, especially when she’s living at home with her parents. I pray that noone takes the bait and pays her for her story.
The only thing I question is what the clinic actually knew. I have never visited a fertility clinic nor seen the paperwork, but if I were a hyper-focused mentally unbalanced woman, I know what I’d do:
I’d lie.
I’d tell them I had no children. That I’d been trying for YEARS to get pregnant. That my husband was now stationed overseas. That I was 45 years old. That I was independently wealthy.
Whatever it took to get them to implant. I’m not saying she did, but I’m saying that if she is as obsessed as we’ve heard, I’ll bet you money that her doctors didn’t get the straight story from her.
Because if they DID know what we are all hearing now? They should be brought up on ethical misconduct charges, I should think.
And I don’t care WHAT kind of mother she is, she can’t be a good mother to 14 children by herself, with no money, in cramped quarters. I know this as well as I know anything.
Brave post, Marcy. : )
I understand your point of view and I also mostly agree to what you have written.
Still reading your highly emotional words above made me feel uneasy with two things:
Insurance is expensive for many other reasons, not primarily because there is ONE person who has lots of expenses for whatever reasons(and I think, these babies really deserve good care, it is not their fault to be born this way) you cannot seriously blame a human being that needs help for high prices in insurance. That is a profoundly inhumane point of view.
The other thing that makes me feel uneasy is your argument about how the mother did not decide to “eliminate” some of her babies. The decision to “eliminate” might feel to some women like having to “kill” their own children. I am very happy that I have never even come close to having to make a so difficult decision myself. And you know what? I thank God for that. I do not think that it is wrong to abort a child. But WHO can judge a decision taken by a woman in such a situation, no matter if she is mentally unstable or not.
I think that you have a point in what you have written. But I also think that it is very easy to judge others without ever having been in a similar situation.
I agree with everything except the part where you claim that an infertile couple should think that God didn’t want them to have a baby naturally or something like that. I’m part of an infertile couple who have four kids through IVF and I’m a Christian. I think God chooses different paths for people. I don’t think I would personally be half the mother I am today if I didn’t have to go through IVF. There are many people I know who have had the same treatments as me and they did not walk away with a baby, so God is still in control. I think Octomom has serious issues. She shouldn’t have those kids in my opinion and that Doc should have his medical license taken away. I think you have to act responsibly. We gave life to each of the embryos we created…and we didn’t put ourselves in a position where I would have a litter of children at once. We also have not had one cent of our children’s medical care come from tax payers. If you cannot afford children you shouldn’t have them. It’s a simple fact. Your first responsible act as a would be parent is to make sure you can afford them.
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