Still.

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Stephen Lee McClelland 1945-2004

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I can’t believe it has been 5 years ago today.

I can still cry at the mention of your name. I am crying as I type.

Family parties still feel empty, my life still feels out of balance and my heart still has a hole. I want it to get ‘easier’ and then again I  don’t. Because I can still hear your whistle to call us in for the night, your laugh and your distinctive way of your voice going into a deep roll to say “heeellllloooo”when you answered the phone. I can see your hands beat up from working on your dune buggy an motorcycles all weekend and then cleaned up for work on Monday . I can remember you asking me ‘what tie goes with this shirt’?’ before I went to school in the morning. And I can still remember the safety of being in your arms. When you would matter of factly say “you know I love you right?” like you were afraid I didn’t know.

I knew Dad.

And I love you too.

STILL.

The poem my dad carried with him.

Last year. Same day. Same feelings.

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