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After a ton of bizzarro solicitors ( who the heck buys meat door to door? And I got two Mormon guys in one day. Don’t they get like their own territories?) who decided to ignore my cities ‘no solicitation’ law over the weekend, I felt compelled to make a little note to save them time. I had one that said “don’t bother knocking here. All it will get you is a huge lecture about soliciting illegally in a city that bans solicitors and you sure as heck won’t sell me anything”….but I thought it might be a little harsh. So I had a glass of wine calmed down and came up with this one. And naturally I wanted to share it with you guys.
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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
I’ve taken to hiding when the scary meat guy comes to the door!
This one is awesome! May I please copy it too? (Actually, you should make it into signs: I’d buy one!) btw, really enjoy reading through your photo talks and ad talks. You’ve got talent in story telling!
Love the last line.. I’m always tempted to leave a stack of bibles on my porch with a sign that reads: Dont knock, but grab The real bible here.
ok, but zoom out b/c I wanna see your door. looks fancy.
*How inopportune that you would impugn a simple importuner (**importuner… I barely know her).
While you sit back in your ivory sofa sipping the gods’ elixir, you dare to thwart the humble peddlings of the world’s oldest profession (after-all, they are street walkers).
I suppose when vacationing in the white beaches of Mexico you kick sand on the pitiable little Chiclets girl and scoff at her hand-sewn (though admittedly misspelled) “Marci” bracelet?
I can only imagine the shame of those brave asphalt warriors walking away in a trance of shame amid the melodious backdrop of your waterfall Jacuzzi only to be awaken up by the discordant slamming of a hand-stained, hard-wood door, wrought with leaded and beveled Glass through which its contours you warp their very image.
Yes, “The Glamorous Life Association,” which celebrates advertisements from the years of yester and revels in the simplicity and old charms of decades past, could certainly appreciate the modest guile of a door-to-door solicitor, ehh hum, salesperson? Just know that when some poor kid (whose parents both, no doubt, drive late-model Mercedes) meets (or meats) that colossal door of yours that reads with your latest witticism, that they will walk away a little less whole (mission accomplished?) and your joy will be exclusively at their expense (ditto?).
To “ad,” this haughtily placed protest is no less than two column inches away from a self-promoting “buy me” call-to-action? The irony is oozes deliciously like the sweet sap from a maple tree. I can’t tell you what Alec Baldwin’s character from Glengarry Glen Ross would say of this. Suffice it to say, it would not be suitable for posting. For shame, you domestic gatekeeper!
*This tongue-rooted-deeply-in-cheek protest comes from a former business “cold caller” who was repeatedly crestfallen every time he came across the dreaded NO SOLICITORS warnings.
**that sentence actually makes sense, but I can’t resist the temptation when I hear the comparative form.
I rarely, if ever, get solicitors anymore. Sorry, Steve B , for the poor, downtrodden “salesman” hawking wares house to house, but it’s just not safe to open your door these days, so I don’t. There’s a reason why there are ordinances against it.
Carolyn, et.al.,
Perhaps my sarcasm was too subtle… My “pitch” was not meant to be taken seriously. I was merely poking fun at a new take on an old convention and a friend in the process. :)
Go Marcy go!
And I DID buy from a door-to-door meat salesman. It was THE BEST pork I’ve ever had (that’s what she said) and I lost his card, so Pork Guy? If you’re crying in your beer outside Marcy’s door? Come back! Come back! Mama needs some cutlets!
I about slammed the door in some kid’s face today. On the phone, crappy day? Not a good time to knock, wouldn’t have bought anything anyway.
Once a man came to my mom and dad’s door trying to sell them cemetery plots. I don’t know what Mom said to make him so mad, but he tore up his paperwork on the front lawn as he left!
Usually the Mormon guys/gals get their own territory, but even if you don’t want to listen give ‘em a glass of lemonade or something, they get doors slammed in their faces all day, every day for two years straight.
You love Mormons right?! ;)
I find the Time Warner people to be the most annoying, with the Orkin man second. And never will I buy meat off a freezer truck for fear of its having defrosted and refrozen repeatedly.
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