The hotel review I clearly was not asked to write. Also titled: how I know I am super old.

IMG_1878 copyOver the weekend I stayed in my old neighborhood up in Hollywood. Only a lot has changed since my wild-and-crazy-no-children-no-husband-no-worries-tiny-waist days. This time, I was there to meet up with my colleagues from my Chicago office, and graciously the company booked us all stays with the ever popular W Hotel. It has been sometime since I had been in a W Hotel. The last time was in New York…and it is all a blurry recollection at best. So I was pretty thrilled to be staying this stellar hotel.  I stood out like a sore thumb, pulling up in my mom-suv and stepping out in sensible clothes, but the staff was gracious and kind even though they kept calling me ‘ma’am’. No tip for you glamour boy.

The rooms are visually appealing. White on white with the biggest wall mounted TV I have seen in a hotel. And the bed? Like sleeping on a cloud (which I have never done, but imagine it be really comfortable). However one of my colleagues noted it was like the room was designed for midgets little people. The bed is about 4 inches off the ground, the chairs are low and even the ironing board came up to my knees. Is it beautiful? TOTALLY, but comfortable, useable and practical…well maybe not. With every single light on in the room it still looked like a moon lit night, during the day. Putting on make-up was basically a guessing game. (True story: I was so worried I had a Picasso face from the lack of lighting, I took pics of my self in the mirror, and walked out into the hall to see what I looked like on my camera screen.)

The W Hotel is known for its celebrity loved night club Drai’s. We had dinner there, and it was wonderful. Beautiful setting with excellent service and great food. The bottomless wine glass was also pretty awesome (they were like stealth with the refill.). After 10:00 it turns into one of the hottest places in Hollywood- and gets packed. The lobby bar then handles the overflow of men with too much cologne lying about their successful careers in valet parking the entertainment biz to girls who are wearing skirts so short that they could double as belts while balancing on ridiculous platform heels. And the place is packed wall to wall with these characters (mind you I was one of those girls once. And I would like to apologize to all the men I gave the wrong number to back in the late 90’s.) laughing non-chalantly drinking a liquid dinner and grading the quality of the prospects in the room.

But on this trip  I slipped past all this activity, because I am  old and boring SENSIBLE now- and tried to go to my white on white room to sleep.  At 1 AM was the guy locked out of his room screaming for someone to open up, 2AM came the couple fighting over who was less drunk to drive and 3AM was some kind of scuffle right in front of my door. That was when I called down to the front desk- and got…….. no answer. Apparently “Whatever, Whenever” (the W motto) doesn’t apply to 40 year old housewives visiting on business. It is more like ‘Something. Sometimes’.

I mentioned this on Twitter. And The W Hotel responded immediately with something like ‘please let us know how we can make this up to you for your next stay.” NEXT stay? Doubtful. I need to stay in a hotel that makes me feel younger, cuter and values a good quiet sleeping atmosphere. Maybe there is an assisted living facility in the area for next time?

*This review did not discuss the thermostat that was stuck on 81 degrees for the first night until they came to repair it, or the room service order that was ‘lost’ in the system. See? I can totally show restraint.

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