I have been watching as a few co-workers and friends have their first child and learn to find balance between their paying jobs and their unpaying jobs at home. It is mega hard. The organizational skills alone are award-worthy. But we figure it out. We plan, have calendars and to-do lists up the ying-yang. We set reminders on our phone for the kids homework due dates. We plan business trips praying there wont be an un-calendared school recital or flu outbreak at home. We move forward, giving 100% in BOTH parts of our lives…which if my math serves me correctly- is impossible.
We compensate by cutting back on sleep in favor of laundry and cleaning out our email boxes. We stop going to the gym. Or shopping. Or even socializing with friends. Maybe we dye our hair at home so we can multi-task and be more productive. We stop making dinner and we start buying it. We cut back on our personal blog (ahem) in favor of professional projects. We learn to live with hair-in-pony-tail day in and day out. Yes, we make lots of edits to our lives to make it all possible. To fit it all in. To do EVERYTHING.
Of course these changes happen gradually, and before long you realize you are different than you were before you were a working mom. In my case I am fatter, more exhausted and often frustrated. But I am also happier, have more purpose and clearly exhilarated.
So when HuffPo posted this little list of things NOT to say to a working mom, I thought I would write a post about what YOU SHOULD SAY to a working mom.
So here it is, the list.
1. You look great today. Can I bring you a latte?
It is a short list.
Please note: I used the cheesiest ‘working mom’ photo I could find. Which wasn’t hard- apparently working mom means BRING THE BABY TO WORK to most people who shoot stock photography. The other favorite image? The carrying-the-baby-and-briefcase-at-same-time photo.
Seriously.
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
You know, I am just going to put it out there. In no way is this a negative reaction to this post or to the notion of a working mom. Swear. I have mad respects for moms or working dads. Actually, I have mad respect for anyone really that is juggling life outside of work (whatever that may be) and a 9-5 job. Or, rather, a 6-midnight job. What I wanted to say is, I don’t think a lot of people give much thought to the challenges of a non-parent. There are singles out there that have large responsibilities and life-changing roles. Especially those that are caretakers — for anyone really. A mom, dad, brother, neighbor, etc. Might not be a baby to take care of, but, in a way, it’s like taking care of a baby when you’re a caretaker of another human being. Providing financial and emotional support, food to eat, transportation to and from places, grocery shopping, emergency doctor visits, dental checkups, long calls with the fine folks at social security, medicaid, medicare, etc. and planning for the “what ifs” if and when death occurs. And not yet once, I bet, has anyone ever said and asked a happy go-lucky non-parent “You look great today. Can I buy you a latte?”
For the record, I am sitting here with my hair in a pony tale just about to color my hair and plan on writing while the color sets. No joke. One thing you forgot: how showering every other day becomes a luxury.
I LOVE THIS POST. This is my life – and Lisa is right about the showering, too. That’s 30 minutes (with blow drying) that I can use productively! LOL!
I do believe that having it all comes with a price –> and that SMART women understand what’s really most important. The ultimate challenge being striking a balance so that the things that matter most get the proper attention, nurturing and love. Unfortunately, for economic and other practical reasons, we often have to make a great deal of self sacrifice in striking that balance – and are often short changed in the process. This generally means giving less attention to more self-focused pursuits – and even career opportunities. In this process I’ve come to embrace the idea that saying “no” is really saying yes to higher priorities.
Ultimately we (moms, dads, caretakers) don’t get a chance for “DO OVERS” in life – and especially not with our kids. I am fortunate in that I have a great support system at home and am learning how important it is to get help when I need it. Even so, it’s hard to invest the time in the gym, the blog, the relationships, or (ha!!) hobbies I once had.
While I try to weave back in the things that once made me more fit and interesting (exercise, hobbies, girl time with friends), it’s a challenge. I mostly try to wear the under eye circles, extra wrinkles and shameful weight gain with grace. While I can work to improve my shortcomings in these areas — the side effects are also symbols of our effort and courage — and determination to choose to invest wisely in the projects and people who matter most in our lives. So, as I fumble along, fighting the “shoulds” and “failures” we all deal with — my hope is that, by God’s grace, I can stand proud in the end, knowing I attained true and meaningful success in my life . ;-)
You totally crack me up. I laughed out loud upon reading the “list”. I so am impressed with working caregivers who juggle jobs, kids, parents, husbands (notice the order of the husband), homes and hobbies. Am also so glad I am no longer trying to do all that. I am fortunate to be able to work out daily, clean my own house, plan and cook recipies for my husband and hit the local card rooms for a game of poker once or twice a week. I plan lunches with my girlfriends. I plan shopping trips, hair appointments and nails/pedi every week. I take a nap almost daily and watch all my favorite TV shows. I am, however, old. Not getting old but already there. I am attending more funerals than ever before and find I talk of my ailments or those of others all the time. I think about my own funeral often and wonder who (my husband or me) will die first. I am not 90 but I am also not 40. My younger days have passed and my wonder days are ahead of me. More days have passed though than I have ahead of me. Enjoy your busy busy lives. Your time for all those other things will come soon enough. In fact, they will come way too soon.
Fantastic post. What I wouldn’t give to be able to have “down” time at night, to come home from work to not have to work… I can’t remember the last time I had a manicure or “did” my hair. It’s a rewarding and amazing experience to be a parent, but also utterly exhausting as a working parent. And there’s the guilt… I was saying to my husband how our older son has been commenting lately that he wants to be taken to school by mommy and daddy (not by the nanny), like the other kids. And my heart just sank, and melted into a drippy puddle. I don’t know what it’s like to be raised by two working parents: I had a stay-at-home mom, and I worry I am “doing it wrong.” My husband, also raised by a SAHM, just replied that we were “lucky.” So I fear what I do is not in my child’s best interest; no matter where I am, I feel guilty for not dedicating myself to the other aspect of my life. Anyway, no point really, just wish I ever felt worthy of a latte.
My only comment is: Who the hell carries a hard-sided briefcase anymore???
But I do have mucho respect for working moms. God willing I’ll never be in that boat – I don’t know if I could handle it as well as most of the women I know! ;)
Love your short list!! Being a mom and working is a juggling act for sure…
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