From the category archives:

Adtalk

AdTalk: Bringing back jumpsuits. One joke at a time.

Hanz was not concerned at all about wearing the same outfit as the female model on this shoot.
Instead he jauntily hooked his aviator glasses over the belt and enjoyed the soft stretch terry against his body.
However he got slightly angry when the photographer asked him to to zip up the front of his [...]

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AdTalk: “Functional and Fabulous” it says…

Do you call your mom with that phone?
Awwwkkkkkward….

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First do-it-yourself AdTalk!

{Reader please insert Software/Hard Drive/Jump Drive/RAM joke here} 
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Some vintage ads scream for so many jokes, I just let them stand on their own.
And this ad for a ‘stimulating computer game’ is a perfect example.
Can’t you see some computer-sex guy running home after work and firing up his spankin new TRS-80  or Apple II computer [...]

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AdTalk: And she committed to her signature flamingo pose too.

 
Sometimes blondes don’t have more fun.
Just sayin.

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AdTalk: Playgirl Club or Disneyland? Hard to decide. Let’s do both!

“Okay everyone pair up and act like you are having the time of your life on this gravel covered warehouse roof! That’s it Mike! Grab her behind….Good Lisa, lift your leg a little higher…hey what’s the matter Annette?  Well, I don’t care if Franco did say something in appropriate…try to break a smile will ya?”
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There [...]

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Adtalk: Let’s hope it doesn’t have your facial hair.


“See? Right here in black and white. It is your baby. DNA doesn’t lie Rob.”
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AdTalk: Can’t remember if what the left ear means…

Looks hip? More like looks gay lame.
Now all he needs to go with that purple leather vest is to lose the International Male mesh tee and start sportin Ed Hardy.
And yes this is real.
Or was real.
This ad is several years old…thank goodness.
Let’s all pretend this never happened shall we Mattel?

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AdTalk: Getting to the point.

 
“After an embarrassing moment when a raisin she had taped to her bra fell out while on a first date, Cheryl’s new business idea was born.”
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I wondered how all those 70’s chicks managed to keep them up AND nipply…..for hours on end.
All thanks to Cheryl and her perky entrepreneurial spirit.
Meanwhile I plan to stick [...]

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AdTalk: What she meant by flocked.

 
“Finally a tree decorated they way she liked it….”
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AdTalk: What a rip off.

I knew it.
The Snuggie is a total knock off.
Everything old is new again.
And it’s still….
JUST AS LAME.

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I bet his dream house is decorated bitchen too.

via
Unlike nearly every other ad posted on this site…this one is NOT REAL.
I know you are all bummed out hearing that.
You probably already opened another tab and started a Google search to buy this online with rush delivery for Christmas huh?
I know.
Who wouldn’t love to have a Gay Bob under the tree this [...]

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The name of the game is ORGY. No really. IT IS.

Here’s the exciting new indoor sport for people who love people. Orgy begins by choosing up sides (delightful custom) and centers around the ‘Porron” (translation: ‘to pour it on’)filled with your favorite libation. Object of the game is to see which team achieves the longest trajectory for the longest time with the fewest spills. [...]

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ProductTalk: She never minded getting her hands dirty to save a buck. Or stuff one.

“Monica thought this year she would get crafty and make all of her holiday gifts”

And what comes inside you ask?
Oh don’t worry Monica was sure to give the fish to her new “I-don’t-eat-red-meat” sister-in-law.
After all she didn’t want to seem insensitive.
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FFirst time visiting The Association?
Welcome! Smart of you to come on [...]

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It takes balls.

 

 
“Gloria complemented Rick on his nice balls but told him she was too busy to play a singles match with him. Gloria was a tennis tease.”
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Did I mention I am now a full on OC housewife cliché? Oh I didn’t?
Yeah, I now officially take tennis lessons at ‘the club’ every week. Which also involves [...]

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AdTalk: My Playground Nightmare

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I know fully understand why I was afraid to go to the park by myself as a kid. (back in the day when kids weren’t on house arrest and were allowed to do such things)
Mustaches, bell bottoms and children-eating-park robots.
The 70’s were scary times people.

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AdTalk: Whose not cooking with gas? (Tappan)

Whooa there Betty in the rainbow dress! Someone else is ‘cooking fast and cool’ besides your Tappan range.
If you could stop obsessing over your damn tuna cassorole for one second you would realize that Vickie is making the moves on your hubby there behind you. Never mind that her husband is there too….actually it [...]

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AdTalk: Griffen Microsheen Stain Boot Polish

 
Bowling was right up Gloria’s alley.
And after working all day at the strip club, she loved to throw on her favorite sweater to go throw a few balls around.
She was sure to meet men with shiny shoes to keep score.
Somehow, she always won.
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AdTalk: Oh I got the point.

Came across this ad today in a People magazine…and I just had to laugh.
So it appears Luxor, which was ONCE the jewel of the Vegas Strip (like in 1992 perhaps) is trying to re-capture the ‘night club’ market, and this ad is part of that campaign. So let’s take a look shall we?
I [...]

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AdTalk: The lament of the morning after…

 
“Damn. Now I lost my favorite earring AND my virginity.”
 
Visit entire AdTalk Series HERE
 

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AdTalk: Blowing things out of proportion. In the name of fashion.

Barbara smiled.
But inside she thought Julie was a beeotch of huge proportions for copying her outfit.
After all, out of proportion wall paper print jackets and white leggings was HER LOOK and Julie knew it.
Oh man, she is so going to unfriend her on Facebook now.
Right after she leans in close and [...]

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AdTalk: Making a bad decision for good

Michelle had a hard time choosing between the two….
On the one hand, Earl had a swell wrist watch, and wore his slacks sans belt. And those SLACKS? They were floods. Perfection.
But then there was Jensen who insisted on holding his hands like he had an imaginary pipe and walked with his hand on his waist….ALL.THE.TIME.
This [...]

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AdTalk: Passive Aggressive Revenge

 
Even though Suzie promised not to post the photo of Glenda tripping on the office rug on Facebook, she knew she was ‘accidently’ going to anyway.
“Bee-otch shouldn’t have talked smack about me at the sales meeting last week”
Don’t feel too bad for Glenda.
She was also sleeping with Suzie’s husband.

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Not that there is anything wrong with that.

“People at school were curious when the BFF’s got boy-short hair cuts.
And they raised an eye brow when they both joined the golf team.
But it was the way Jody carried Becky around on her back to the school dance that confirmed all their suspicions.”
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(Author Note: I may or may not have looked exactly [...]

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AdTalk: A room with no clue

Remember the episode of I love Lucy when Ricky gets her a ‘designer’ gown, except it is really a burlap sack and a feed bag for a hat? And she BELIEVES it is a designer gown so she wears it WITH PRIDE?
But is was all a big joke on her….until a real designer from [...]

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AdTalk: You can take the girl out of the circus…

“No matter how hard Mary Ringling tried….
After she left the family business, she just couldn’t get her make-up to look right.”

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AdTalk: Hanging in the balance.

 
After the scandal at the office with his project partner Steve, Mark resigned.
And he busied himself with fish-mobile-making as a hobby.
Often in the middle of the night.
And he always dressed for the occasion, including a color-coordinated patterned silk robe and ascot.
Because after all, you never know when a past co-worker might decide to stop [...]

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AdTalk: Every morning was a good morning now.

After discovering Paul’s affair she threw him and everything he owns to the curb.
Well, everything except his Platinum Visa.
Molly needed some cheering up.
So she decided to treat herself.
She hired a butler, a maid and a cook.
She pre-paid on Paul’s Visa.
For the next 10 years.

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AdTalk: It figures.

 
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Cynthia became addicted to ‘waist cinching’ after moving to California-Nevada border after college. Soon the infliction was so bad she had to raise her arms above her head every time she took a breath. She went on to a career in synchronized swimming, winning the 1962 Olympics despite being penalized for ‘excessive’ arm movements. She [...]

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AdTalk: Well I can explain it…

Let’s see…how many ways can we make Teen Pregnancy look unappealing.
Hmm…well, let’s use the tagline “9 months of trouble” and the ACTUAL birth being shown IN COLOR will help freak out those other girls out there who are dancing in really short skirts with guys on bikes. You know, the ones who ‘do [...]

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How about you stop nagging me?

Nothing brings God’s message home than a good ol’ passive aggressive post card.
I love how they use the visual of the empty chair to drive their point home.
As if, just because you weren’t there Mrs. Bibley-bibleness didn’t sit her tush down in that carved out butt space in the ol’ chair. I [...]

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