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Heard in houses all over America….

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“No no not that one sweetie. That juice box is for Mommy. Yours is the green one.”

{Yup, that is a ‘juice’ box of wine. Bought at Target. Which goes to show you just how much Target understands how hard it is to be a mom. Of course they may be struggling with their shapes. Cuz Target? That is not a cube.}

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Don’t be surprised if this sign ends up missing over night.

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I am thinking of stealing this real estate sign and just making a necklace.  Too much?

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“Daring them to knock.” Now with more snark.

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Some of you have seen this sign before here. But it got pretty worn out, so it was time to print a new one. And this time I added a little bit more. Because I don’t just write comedy. I like to live it. No Solicitors. No exceptions. We do not buy anything door-to-door. Don’t [...]

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It’s the Duck Tales poster that really drives the awesomeness home.

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Life’s a beach. A sandy sandy beach.

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via Spring/Summer California season is coming people…which means lots of surfing, beaching and sand. Lots and lots of sand. This is pretty much what my car looks like after a week or two.

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Everyone needs their mom. Even fruit.

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How to reboot yourself….

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I imagine taking a nap on these all at the same time would help you to wake refreshed. Like you could start all over from the beginning. And I really want them.

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Life Motto #164: Conform. And be dull.

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Sometimes you just want to simplify things. And really I think the ‘tall-grande-venti-secret-frickin-code thing Starbucks has going on as one of the most annoying around. I feel insecure and stupid JUST ORDERING A CUP OF COFFEE. And I can feel that way all on my own thankyouverymuch. It’s like I am in a different country [...]

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The newest Tiger Woods game!

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Look what the hot new game is for the Christmas season? – “While running from an angry golf club wielding wife you must navigate and avoid obstacles like fire hydrants, trees and evil career killing paparazzi. Fist pump for extra power and seek the counsel of agents and press managers to keep your image meter [...]

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How to solve the problems of the world.

Bumper Sticker; I think less of you when you wear Ed Hardy. No I really really do. MUCH LESS.

Every time I mention Ed Hardy I get awesome feedback. Remember the Ed Hardy car?  Well, The Association is always working hard to fix all things wrong with the world. Starting with ED HARDY deep v-neck shirts with rhinestones and glitter made for MEN. But maybe these guys JUST DON’T KNOW how gay bad they [...]

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Branded a fool.

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                     “She said she won’t come home until I give her somethin big in Louie Vee-ton”

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