“It is rumored the lyric ‘I’m so gangsta – you’re so thug’ from Train’s latest hit song Soul Sister started with t-shirts.”

(Note: Historical musical facts have been fabricated for comedy sake. Yes, I can do that.)

I haven’t done this in a while, but I thought- hey it is Sunday. And I need to go to church and pray for my soul learn to be more generous on the Lords day. So I thought I would introduce you to a devilish little blog that I adore called ANXIETY HELL. The author of the site is a fellow Orange County gal, I have met in real life- but it occurs to me she does not use her real name on the site-so perhaps she is in the witness protection program is trying to remain anonymous. So I won’t out her here. (But she does post this photo of herself. Which when I first saw it I was all…”nice. Use a photo of a model on your About page. That will totally throw them off their tracks. And then I met her IRL. And had to come to terms with the fact that is is both talented and um…BEAUTIFUL. Yeah, its like that for her.)

Her site is an odd listing of posts. Posts about….well things that give her anxiety. In hysterical rant form. It is hard to explain really- but so worth the read. She is truly a talented WRITER. I say that in caps because- her posts are well crafted, and seem all ‘writer-y-ish’ (Yeah, I’m making up new words left and right these days) and now an excerpt…

“If you’re like me, you spend a lot of time screaming yourself awake in the afternoon as day terrors involving the loss of either one or all of your eyes rock you to your very core. As you bolt upright in your work hammock, pausing only to rub your forehead after smacking it on the Skipper’s buttocks encased in the net bunk above you – I’ll never understand why he has to sleep directly above the skinnier hutmate – you touch both your sockets and thank the sweet Lord that they are still full of functioning eye matter.

Half convinced the Sadistic Eyelash Curler from Hell was real or one day could be, you decide to celebrate the gift that is your ability to see. In honor of your incredible luck at not having gone blind yet, you opt to enjoy the one thing that makes life almost worth living: the 1984 classic film, The Brother from Another Planet…..”

Look people, so much of her site (and she has been doing it since 2007) is pee your pants funny, it was hard to find an excerpt. So just go read and subscribe. You will want to thank me. But don’t. Just send cash.

That is all. Carry on.

No really.

Send Cash.

Okay now carry on.

We’re good.

Gloria dreamed of all the things she would buy with the money she would make from taking the stupid charm bracelet her boyfriend gave her to Cash For Gold, as soon as they broke up.

I love to write emails to strangers. Usually to businesses or products with a comment or suggestion. USUALLLY it is a positive thing. Usually it is “just wanted to drop you a line to say how much I love x” kinda email. But today I wrote a different kind. To my local grocery store chain. Now I fully realize it may never be read or get into the hands of the right people….but that doesn’t stop me. I write these emails FOR ME more than anything. Makes me feel better. And with two growing boys in the house, I am spending a near FORTUNE on groceries and going twice a week. So where I grocery shop has become important to me. Like how the where I used to get my weekly facials was important to me before I got married. (what me? Bitter?) But I digress…..

Dear Vons;

I have been going to your Yorba Linda store for over 20 years. And I am writing to tell you…IT LOOKS HORRIBLE. It occurred to me maybe you had no idea? Maybe you just assumed the flooring from the 70’s, the horrible lighting and disgustingly filthy exterior was holding up just fine. So I thought I should be the one to tell you….IT’S NOT.

This store is insanely busy with business. And the staff there are exceptional. But good lord- this place looks awful.

It looks so bad- I have started to shop at the fancy, clean Ralphs down the way. Sure it is smaller and more expensive. But it doesn’t give me the gross “I-can’t-believe-I-would-eat-food-from-here feeling” your old Vons does.

PLEASE come fix your store. So I can come back to it with a smile.

A used-to-be-happy-want-to-be-again customer,
Marcy

I know. I am crazy.

You don’t need to say it.

I re-vamped a post from 2 years ago. And it found its way over to OCFamily.

You can read it here…

Would love your thoughts on the post over there.

(Still trying to look popular you know.)

Interviewer: So, Marcy what is it like to live The Glamorous Life?

Marcy: Well let’s take a little tour around my house…Oh look the washing machine is leaking. And my son has strategically placed his new roller blades in the door way of the garage which I can guarantee I will be tripping over later. Awesome.

Interviewer: Why don’t you show me where the magic happens.

Marcy: Oh I haven’t made my bed.

(awkward pause)

Interviewer : Um, I meant your home office. Where you write.

Marcy: Oh THAT magic. Sure…

(opens door)

Marcy: Um, yeah. Turns out Mozy-Kitty likes the feel of the keyboard under her. Isn’t she perfect?

Interviewer: I am a dog person.

(another awkward pause)

Marcy: Can I get you anything?

(opens fridge)

Interviewer: No thanks. I am good.

(final awkward pause. And by far the longest)

Marcy: Yeah. I guess you got what you need.

Newport Beach Harbor, CA

This boat looked more than a little out of place in the middle of the poshest area of Orange County, surrounded by multimillion dollar yachts, sail boats and homes. But it sat there, bobbing up and down with its peeling paint and rusting  trim waiting for someone to come aboard.

A proud SkyWatch submission.

I had never done it before. I felt a little bit like cheating actually.

But I pulled my eye glass prescription out of my wallet and ordered glasses ONLINE.

Most people know that my glasses are really important to me. And not just because I have gotten pretty used to being able to SEE, but after the TWO failed Lasik attempts they’ve become a kinda signature thing for me. Part of my ‘look’ in a way. And since it is the only accessory I wear every single day of my life, and ON MY FACE, the selection of those glasses is tricky. And inevitably I end up picking out the most expensive pair without trying. Last ones set me back $600 bucks. Let that soak in…I said $600 bucks. So that means I do not have more than one pair. I do not even get new ones every year. So I damn well better LOVE those glasses. And I do. I love my $600 glasses.

But I was yearning for a little change. Like I have always wanted to try rimless glasses. You know those stealth-invisible eyeglasses. I found a place online that is so good, I had to share with you…I found GlassesUSA.

I was shocked at the prices.

Shocked in a good way.

All of the prescription glasses under $110. Like WAY UNDER.

For the glasses and an adorable case with wipey cloth.

So I sent off my order, and in a week or so they showed up.

And I am happy to report…they work perfectly, fit perfectly and have made me giddy with excitement.

Over glasses?

YOU BET.

Photos of them on my face coming soon.

I know you can hardly wait.

click this

Page 25.

A photo I took while standing in the middle of the street in Balboa.

While trying to explain to my boys why they had to stay on the curb.

And then yelling at them not to fight.

And again yelling to stay on the curb.

And then? Nearly getting run over by a car…

…cuz after all I was standing the middle of the street.

But looky here folks…That photo is now in the amazing Orange Coast Magazine.

And it was all worth it.

Everything was going great, until Harold’s twin brother and his family moved in.

And then things got a little weird.

Amour = love

Paix = peace

Joie = joy

Sante = health

longevite =longevity

gain = profit

souvenir = to remember

veine = vein (huh? I need lucky veins?)

prosperite = prosperity

argent= money

esperance= hope

and finally…..

Bonheur = Happiness

Happy St. Paddy’s Day.

Now go get lucky!

Wait. You know what I mean.

Oh…..Nevermind.

View Full Album

So I went to a hockey game the other night. It was Ducks against Sharks, which of course made me giggle because,  Hello? I am pretty sure sharks can eat ducks for an appetizer anyday of the week. But I was wrong. Ducks totally won. Who knew. The best part of the night was watching my boys down on the ice play a little game against Children’s Hospital of Orange County doctors. And the zamboni riding was just icing on the well……ice I guess. I captured it all on really low quality hand shaking video. Let’s relive the moments shall we?

“JUST CHOKE UP ON IT”

Like I know ANYTHING. Comedy.

We had remarkable seats a few rows off the glass (see how I sound like I know what I am talking about?), thanks to TheHusband’s desire to please me.

(this is a cute little warm up thing where they clean up all their toys pucks on the ice and put them in the toybox goal.)

And before long I was ready to go to blows with the obnoxious Shark fans sitting near us. Yelling  “Sharks Rule!” during the national anthem? Shark people that is just un-American. Please turn in your American membership card and leave the stadium. But other than that it was a wonderful evening….

I learned a lot about Hockey on this night. Like I learned that players get a time-outs when they are not being nice , which I think they call it a penalty box or something, and I learned that Hockey fans love their drinks so much they pee with them. But mostly I learned that that Ducks can totally kick Shark butt.

Oh and we brought home CHOCO Neidermeyer bear too.

And he actually did get in a fight with a Shark fan. It was ugly. The fur went flying.

No worries we stopped by CHOC on the way home and they bandaged him up.

Its all fun and games until come one looses an eye.

And then it’s hockey.

via

Spring/Summer California season is coming people…which means lots of surfing, beaching and sand. Lots and lots of sand.

This is pretty much what my car looks like after a week or two.

Today I was thrilled to be invited to come hang out at 20th Century Fox Studios for some press interviews and other bloggy business. And I give them an A+ for the upkeep of the original gold decor on the sound stages.

(Thinking this will be my SkyWatch submission this week….)

  And then I got a little excited when I found this sign (below) on a building…I considered walking in and saying “I am really funny and you should hire me k?”.

But the little voice inside my head told me that might not be the best next step in my career path.

Of course that is the same damn little voice that once encouraged me to have that 10th drink because I was hysterical the drunker I got and assured me I wouldn’t have a hang over the next day too.

That little voice might be a liar, come to think of it.

You know how people who work in glamorous industries love to tell you how ‘it is not glamorous at all’ when you gush ask them about their jobs?

Well, I can clearly imagine a writer from this hugely popular hit TV show standing at a cocktail party telling some young girl “No really my office is not that nice. REALLY.” With the young Hollywood hopeful saying things like “Gosh I bet you are just saying that! I bet your office is amazing!”

After a few more cocktails, he gets fed up…and decides to drive her over the lot, to show her his office….

  The one that is practically IN THE BATHROOM.

And. Scene.

Fade to black.

Hey look it is me and Betty Thomas.

Does she look familiar? She should. Just check out all she has done. Amazing body of work from Hill Street Blues all the way to directing the latest Chipmunk movie. I sat down with her for a little (and by little I mean 5 minutes) to chat about……..well stuff. I could have talked to her for hours. Funny, energetic and showed up in the EXACT same outfit as me. Very sweet Betty- but stop copying me k? She looked at my business card, and told me it was ‘really cute’ and then asked…”Can you make any money doing what you do?” to which I replied, “Oh I am only doing this until I get my writing gig on a sitcom.” So you know I basically did everything but hand her a script and a reel. But it made her laugh. Which you know for me but not my mortgage, is as good as a million bucks.

Glam: You have a very impressive list of credits to your name, going way back. Can you tell me a little about how you managed to get into directing?

Betty: Well I owe a lot to (Steven) Bochco. And I never forget it. (Marcy inner voice-note to self: get a Bochco) After Hill Street I knew I had about a year and  a half to try and do something I wanted to do, before I had to go back to do something I HAD to do. I had been hanging out on the set of Hooperman and LA Law cuz of Bochco trying to learn as much as possible. And the editors, god bless them, allowed me to come into the booth and see how it all came together. And I would ask things like “what is the footage that makes you hate the director? I mean what can a director do to make good footage to work with?”…and they told me. They told me everything. It was great.

Glam: Very generous of them…but what was your first job? In directing…. How did it happen?

Betty: I was at a social thing, you know a smooze-fest thing, charity I think making small talk with people when (sic) a writer for Variety came up to me and said, SO what are you up to these days? And I blurted out..”I’m directing”. Which I wasn’t. And then he said “Where?” and I panicked and said “Hooperman”.

Glam: That is comedy. Were you freaked out?

Betty: No. He had a glass of wine in his hand. I thought he would forget about it. But sure enough the next morning there was the story in Variety. “Betty Thomas directs John Ritter in Hooper”. I couldn’t believe it. It wasn’t long I got a call from (sic) from Hooper. And he said “Geez Betty. We were gonna let you direct eventually anyway. But we will let you do the Christmas episode. Mainly cuz no one wants to work around the holidays. So you can do it?” I said HELL YES.

Glam: Not the most flattering way to be asked…

Betty: No. But I was thrilled. Especially after opening my big mouth.

Glam: And now, you are doing Chipmunks The Squeakquel. How did that happen?

Betty: My mom was sick, and I wanted a project that was shooting here in LA. And can you believe this was the ONLY thing shooting in LA at the time?

Glam: So it was a convenient accident you took the job?

Betty: NO! The Chipmunks were the first album I ever owned. And I loved them from day one. Still do. So it was convenient to have them shooting in LA, but I never would have done it if I didn’t love the brand.

Glam: So it all worked out.

Betty: Well it was HARD. My dog died during the shoot. My mom died during the shoot. It was a hard time for me. But I am thrilled to be apart of it. I am proud of it.

The Chipmunks the Squeakquel comes out on DVD March 30th.

Just in time to fill your Easter baskets with a little furry goodness.

Hey Betty…

Give me a call next time so we can coordinate outfits or to just to chat about where I can get me my own Bochco.

Sounds like that is all I am missing..

{Seriously. Thanks for the interview.}

I know this is a gross photo. Normally I would not post a photo of a toilet on The Association. But I have to share…So last night we went to a Ducks Hockey Game (way more on that later) and this is what I found when I walked in to the potty. A DRINK HOLDER. In the POTTY. Um, does this strike anyone else as….well, GROSS? Nothing like a nice cold beer with the spray of urine and germs all over it for some stadium fun right?

Ewww……

I know you might not think of the The Association as the place to come to get public service announcements, but I kinda felt like this was a good one. By now you probably know about the US Census right? It is where the government makes an attempt to calculate EVERY single human being in the USA. What? That is some crazy stuff huh? And they ask things like nationalities, occupations etc. You know- just basically trying to get a ‘snapshot’ of who makes up this country of ours.

So as my 9 yr old asked ‘what is the point?’…well, it matters. The US Census figures are referenced ALL THE TIME. It helps determine where English learning programs are giving grants (lot’s of families speaking native language only ), or where federal funding for daycare is needed (lots of dual income families).  The coolest thing about the census is it becomes public record. And recently while researching my father’s adoption (still looking for that dang birth family) I was able to view the census records for my great grandfather. It is an amazing thing.

So when the packet shows up in your mail…take the time to be a part of history.

To be counted.

Just think of your great-great-great-grandchildren who are totally gonna crack up when they see ‘Blogger’ as occupation on the official census of 2010. That’s right people- I like to plan my joke with like a 100 year time release. I want to make future generations laugh.

(I gotta say this commercial is not, well…not very clear in their message. I applaud them for trying to be creative and clever. But I feel like I missed the beginning…. or the end. Still. fill out the Census stuff. Besides all the cool kids are doing it.)

And you guys thought the sign on my door was bad.

Remember it?

CLICK HERE

A proud SkyWatch submission.

About every couple of weeks I get an comment or email from someone who is disappointed to find my site. See, what happens is they search for “The Glamorous Life” looking for sites about Shelia E’s 1984 hit song. Which is  ironic because it is a song I was INSANE about when it came out. Actually I was a big Prince fan, so anyone remotely associated with him was awesome in my pre-teen purple loving haze. So you can imagine these web surfer disappointment when they stumble upon my site instead of a 1980’s-drum-solo-ing-bustier-wearing-sex-ridden-singing video.

(But can I interject here and mention I am kinda stoked that my site comes up only under about 5 Shelia E links. We are practically BFFs. Call me Shelia- we should do lunch.)

The song is about some shallow girl’s quest to live a glamorous life. But ‘without love, it ain’t much’. I remember thinking ‘who needs a man? She wears FURS’ (see lyrics for that reference to make sense)….and then a million years later, long after I had totally forgotten this song…I named my site The Glamorous Life Association. I did it to be IRONIC. SARCASTIC and all the other –IC words I love.

So for the last time, you 80’s loving internet…

My blog has nothing to do with Shelia E.

Sorry to disappoint.

The 1973 Rolling Hills Synchronized Lawnmowers practicing for the big competition held this week at the John Deer Stadium. Team leader Lisa Jankowski (center) says “we’ve been working on our patterns. And since we placed last year in edging, we are confident we will take home the trophy again.” All the ladies expressed much excitement to compete in their sport of choice. Says JoAnne Greenburough (on left) “After my divorce and I started mowing the yard myself, and I never dreamed it would turn into a career I could love!” Be sure to come out and support these lovely ladies this weekend. Remember, bring in an empty can of Tab soft drink for half price admission.

I see a lot of funny stuff every day.

I mean the internet is chock full of comedy.

But this? This is as close to comedy perfection as it comes for me. It is like a video version of my AdTalk…..well, actually not really.

Oh man. I can’t describe it. But I know you should watch this….

My favorite line is “…because 1982 said so”.

Enjoy.

(Thanks to Dyan for posting this on her FB wall. This was quite a gift.)

There is a little magical place right in the middle of Costa Mesa….a place that Jack refers to as his ‘happy place’.  Never heard of it?

Well, lucky for you I made a 5 minute video of it here….

Go watch it…and meanwhile here are some photos we took while there for you. My kids have the ‘too cool for this photo’ look down don’t you think?

Dig their clothes? It’s pretty much all Old Navy and Atwater. (with one Fullerton baseball hat thrown in)

    And Jack took these of me…besides the fact that it looks like I cut my hair off (hello pony tail) I am proud of his photography skills…

The Lab is a creative, amazing little place to shop, eat and just enjoy OC life.

Come see what I mean.

A few months ago, I made a little video and meant to put it up on Valentines day.But forgot.

And then I meant to post it on my 12 yr anniversary. And forgot again.

Well, those came and went and it was all but forgotten, until my iTunes on shuffle reminded me.

Before you view, please understand what you are about to watch is a total dork. Me. I am a dork. I know this already.

But for some reason, even though this video shows me at my highest level of DORKNESS I still want to post it.

Why?

Well, that is just the way I am.

Lip Dub -The Way I Am from Marcy Massura on Vimeo.

I hate the Oscars. Well, to be fair- I hate watching all award shows. I can’t explain why…but I am gonna say it has to do with some insane thought that I SHOULD BE THERE. Yes, because I am MENTAL dreamy enough to think I should be winning an Emmy/Grammy/Oscar. Nevermind the fact that I am not in a TV show/movie or band. I still think I deserve it. See? I told you when we met that my brain is like no other. And here is a little secret…I practiced my acceptance speeches in the bathroom mirror ALL THE TIME as a child. And even more frequent than that? I would pre-record interview questions pretending to be Johnny Carson. Then I would play the tape and answer them. Complete with fake laughter and pseudo humble “oh, Johnny you are too kind!’ sort of moments. It occurs to me JUST THIS MINUTE I was a weird kid. But there was one moment during these Oscars (TheHusband watches every second so I HAD to watch) that brought me unusual joy.

Actually I was so happy to see this person win, it made TheHusband a little nervous I think…

Heck yeah.

Kathryn Bigelow (or better known as James Cameron’s EX-wife.) for the win!

But I gotta admit I never heard of The Hurt Locker until Oscar night. Um, sorry about that Kathryn. But don’t be offended…I did not see ONE of the Oscar nominated films this year. Not ONE.

Oh wait, I think I saw UP. Of course I missed a part in the middle cuz one of the kids had to go potty.

So technically I didn’t see it ALL.

So that tells you anything about my life. Yeah, glamorous huh? Just like yours I am sure.

And Mr. Cameron?

Look how you are trying to be funny in this photo and we all know YOU REALLY WANTED TO CHOKE HER FOR REALS.

Oh man. Revenge is sweet. Even if it is someone else’s revenge.

For every single ex-wife of an openly unfaithful man out there…

Kathryn Bigelow showed the world she is gonna be JUST FINE thankyouverymuch.

She gave up one man…

and got two shiny naked gold ones instead.

Ones that will stay faithfully on the mantle by her side.

Now that is a Hollywood story I can love.

I just found my new headquarters for when I get a little well, um bitchy abrasive.

That’s right people.

I am Ms. Abrasive.

I am pretty sure this is innocently named M.S. Abrasive. Like it is a guy named Mike Smith who invented some really great ABRASIVE or something. Come to think of it, I am not sure what one uses an ABRASIVE for exactly. And, sorry Mike but I really only think of the word ‘abrasive’ as a negative thing. You know how like in kitchen cleaning commercials they go on and on how their products are NOT ABRASIVE. But apparently Mike Smith made one that required him naming his business after it. AND getting a sign to hang over the front door. I just wish he paid a little extra to the lettering guy, and got the periods for his initials.

Just sayin.

(Not sure what is more annoying. The lack of periods in the sign or the hysterically lame hummer in the parking lot. Hard to pick)

If you are thinking of going to a Ducks game anytime soon, may I suggest THIS SUNDAY? Because this Sunday is not just any ol’game…it is a fundraiser event for CHOC (Children’s Hospital Orange County- But you already knew that I am sure.) CHOC is an amazing place, saving lives and serving our area for many years. In just the last year alone Tucker was there for this little issue and more recently Jack saw a CHOC doctor too. It is so nice to have some the world’s best doctors right in our backyard. Another reason we are lucky in the OC.

So can you come?

Discounted tickets can be purchased online at http://www.choc.com/chocnight/ or by calling the CHOC Children’s Foundation at 714-532-8690. CHOC Night is the only time Ducks and CHOC supporters will have an opportunity to purchase, for $60, limited edition Herrington CHOCO bears donning Ducks jerseys signed by Anaheim players. Proceeds from the sale of the game tickets and the bears will support the CHOC Children’s Orthopedic Institute.

Additionally, anyone can make a $5 donation to CHOC by texting CHOC to 90999. Attendees at “CHOC Night” who participate in the texting or who stop by the CHOC table to make a minimum cash donation of $5 will be eligible for prizes.

Look for me! I will be there shielding my eyes from manly hockey fights and eating sport event food with reckless abandon.

And more than happy to do so.

Annndd….I think I was born at CHOC.

Is that possible?

I have to ask my mom. I can’t remember…which makes sense since I was ONLY A BABY at the time. (seriously, who doesn’t even know where they were born? um, yeah. That would be me raising my hand)

We were greeted by a lobby that looked like this…

The next morning I read the morning paper …

….while looking at this.   Ed played a tune for the tourists in the tea room. They seemed to enjoy his well honed version of chopsticks.

Although he refused to do an encore. Temperamental artist.

Oh and before you scroll down any further…

Be sure to take notice of the lovely staircase and the carved figure on the banister…

Let’s zoom in for a closer look…

Um. Biltmore? You got some explaining to do.

And don’t try to tell me this is the ancient mythical god of breast feeding either.

I mean I know this is Los Angeles and all…but does everything EVERYONE have a boob job in this town?

*The big surprise: the lobby, service, food and staff were INCREDIBLE. But the room we had? Horrible. Thread bare carpet, cracked tiles and dirty windows.

No shampoo or even soap (oh but thank goodness for the most useless item ever shower cap. WTH?)

Do you know my friend Lisa? Well she has one of the most successful Disney sites on the web and she seems to be really good at making humans too. She is having her THIRD boy in a few weeks. That girl has skills.

And I have never seen a more unpregnant looking pregnant person in my life. Well…not from the SIDE. But from the front, in a black dress? Totally normal. Yeah, it’s annoying.

I was honored to be a guest at her swanky baby shower this weekend. And just like her, it was girly and frilly and wonderful. I think I drank a pot of tea all by myself. But HELLO I was washing down WARM home-made blueberry scones. Scones I am now thinking about constantly and looking for any excuse to re-visit this tea room…

Congrats Lisa.

That is one lucky baby in there.

Let him know his aunt Marcy will be by for a visit…and I’ll be bringing the scones.

Listen carefully husbands.