I asked my PA to pick up some gum for my giant bowl of gum that I keep in my office. I am a bit addicted to Orbitz Bubblegum, so she bought several ‘buckets’ and brought them back. I opened up the buckets and poured out. And that was when I saw this…
Stupid pink ribbons on my gum.
And I HATE pink ribbons.
If you are new to the Association you might think I am some cancer-loving-evil person.
But I am not. SO this is a re-post of one of my more successful articles,
all about my anti-pink ribbon movement.
I get kinda pissed off every time I see a pink ribbon for Breast Cancer awareness. And that means I get pissed a lot. Because they are putting pink ribbons on EVERYTHING. No wonder survival rates are so high. “Honey I am gonna take the dog for a walk with my pink ribbon leash, listening to my ipod from my pink ribbon arm holder, wearing my pink ribbon clogs right after I finish making the brownies with my pink ribbon spatula for the pink ribbon card game tonight!”
Inner voice: Oh Marcy. You are so going to hell for this post.
Stick with me. I got my reasons…..My dad died of esophageal cancer, and there isn’t one single group trying to raise money for THAT cancer. And my dad’s 
cancer? It has like only a 2% survival rate or something- which in this day and age is INSANE. Where the hell is the ribbon for that cancer? We need a damn ESOPHAGEAL ribbon. Not yellow, cuz that is used for Lance I cheated on my wife but I survived cancer and can ride a bike fast so people think I am a saint Armstrong, and blue is for Prostate cancer. Hey how about ORANGE? Its my favorite color. Yes, Orange ribbon’s it is. I will make up blog buttons too…”Wear your orange to support esophageal cancer!” Or maybe it should be “Wear your orange for the one cancer no one can spell without spell check”. I am gonna get right on that…just as soon as I make the T-shirts I promised my dad I would make: “CANCER SUCKS” but never did.
I am only not really but sorta kidding of course. I think fighting ANY form of cancer is a good thing. Cuz I figure after they wipe out breast cancer, they are gonna be sure to jump allover researching Esophageal cancer.
So there you have it people.
And on the upside, while researching this post I found the perfect t-shirt to wear to my son’s next baseball game
That’s right. “Save 2nd Base” with two big baseball’s over my ta-tas.
See? I totally care.
And I am not going to hell for this post.
God loves comedy.
I hope.
UPDATE: So it turns out ,thanks to Alisa and her mad researching skills and THIS SITE listing all the ‘cancer colors’, I learned that Esophageal cancer already has ’color’…and get this? It is Periwinkle Blue. Really? Periwinkle Blue? That is like the most ambiguous of all colors. If I wear a periwinkle ribbon I just know people are gonna come up to me and say “hmmm is that blue for Prostate Cancer? Or is that lavender for Gynecological Cancer? Or maybe it is blue for Thyroid cancer (yes, same as Prostate cancer. WTH?)
And what is my favorite ORANGE already assigned to you ask?
Leukemia
Click over and look at the list. Some of the ‘colors’ are pretty funny( well, funny in a cancer supporting kinda way) Like they are trying to make it as HARD as possible to show your support. For example I give you Bone Cancer = white with a gold OUTLINE. An outline? Whoaaa there cancer color buddy that is pretty tricky you know, for a RIBBON. And poor Lung Cancer…it is PEARL. I don’t even think they make ribbons in PEARL do they?
Its all too complicated. I think I will just wear a rainbow ribbon.
Oh crap. I think that makes me gay right?
I guess pink periwinkle it is.
Hey you! Yeah I am talking to YOU. Would love you to share this post with your friends if you find it worthy. And if you don’t find it worthy- come back tomorrow. I will be sure to impress you then : )
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