A few days ago I opened my email to this ad…
And I said WOW. Just like the ad told me. She looks comfortable and carefree. And I thought “I want to be comfortable and carefree! I want to run while I look behind me! I want a dress long enough to cover my whiter-then-white legs in the early spring! I am going to buy this dress!” I imagined myself in this dress (they call it the ‘maxi-dress’, which sounds a lot like maxi-pad but still. It was purty)…I was going to be the perfect vision of feminity. People would stop and stare. I would just hold my hands behind my back so they could take it all in. All the BEAUTY of my new dress. And yes, I was going to be CAREFREE.
So off I ran to the store. I won’t name names since they are actually are my all time favorite store…but it rhymes with Blordstrom. I arrived at the store optimistic. I found the dress after I asked 900 employees easily and ran to the dressing room with two different sizes. Something I am used to doing; one size for my body and another size for my boobs chest. Never know which one of them will have to compromise. I tried it on. The one sized for my body didn’t even fit over my chest. Still not discouraged I moved to the next size. I turned to see myself in the mirror. And this is where the WOW took on new meaning. Too say I was a little disappointed is an understatement. I was sorta a lampshade made from a really bad curtain material. It hung off my boobs chest and went straight down. My head had shrunk and my bra straps were hanging out like a teenager at a swap meet. And I wasn’t carefree. I tripped TWICE just trying to get the darn thing off. As the chronically perky sales girl asked ‘so how did that work for you?’ all I could do is say as I exited the torture dressing room was….”WOW” 
*special thanks to June Cleaver Nirvana for the inspiration for this post. She is the master of the stick figure . In more ways than one. Its jeanetic.
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