updates

image1. My Life is a Party!

Example: “Whoo Hoo!! Working on my third one of these babies! Great DJ here too!” (photo of cocktail taken with some photo app that makes it look like ‘art’ to drunk people)

It is funny to me how many people post photos of their alcoholic beverages. And yes, I have been known to do it on occasion. I think this our new version of not wanting to drink alone. Now it isn’t enough to drink with few people you are with in real life- now you have to have your entire Facebook group ‘drink’ with you too.  Which is why some FB walls look like you are one step away from rehab.


image2. Getting Preachy with the Good Facebook.

 

Example: “Jesus/Buddha/Allah said wants us all to praise him. We must repent for the sins we have committed. We are nothing without him. You know you must live in the light”

Um, okay….. That is a lovely sentiment. But do you think I want to open up my Facebook and be lectured? NOPE. I can tell you, that I love me some Jesus as much as the next gal, but I almost always hide people who continually ramble on about religion. And if you quote the bible? It is the equivalent of the bible-thumping door-to-door Mormons religion salesmen. And just like to them I say ….no thanks.


image3. I Am Super Duper Popular!:

Example: “So so sorry to all the people who were requesting to be friends with me! I forget to do it…and so now I just added 127 of you!”

We get it. You are popular. People adore you. People who don’t know you wish they did. You are also the same person who thanks all 856 people for your birthday wishes on your wall.


image4. The Guilt Update Change Request:

 

Example: “Please post this if you know someone who has cancer, had cancer, died of cancer or might someday get cancer. We can make a difference.”

Can we all agree to stop asking people to post things? Seriously, what is the purpose of this? Changing your status update (ugh or your profile pic) has no effect on the world. And while I hate cancer (or love my mom, or think my kids are great, or want to end child abuse etc.) no one cares what my update is. Pretty sure God is not following us on Facebook, which means status updates are not prayers.


image5. Passive Aggressive Cryptic Jumble:

 

Example: “Some people have to find a way to always the one who does that. You know who you are and why I am upset.”

Huh? What? Was it necessary to tell 300 of your friends this message meant for one person? Oh and I am gonna guess that one person you were targeting doesn’t even know ‘who they are’ and might not even see this. All this update does is make the other people you know think you have issues.


image6. Let’s talk. Oh no wait. Let’s not:

 

Example: “Oh my god I can not believe that just happened! WOW!”

Naturally every person will comment with “OMG!What Happened!!!?” or similar. But when the updater never comes back to explain  what  has them in a state of disbelief, it makes everyone who commented feel really silly. If you have something to say- JUST SAY IT.


image7. Mind Numbing Self-Promotion:

 

Example: “I think this thing I wrote is totally great and you should read it. (link)”

Yeah. If you have a lot of these in your feed, then you know a lot of bloggers. Sorry about that. I think it is okay to do, but be mindful of your ‘promotion ratio’; keep your interactions to promotion at least 20 to 1. Otherwise you are nothing other than one big commercial for your blog.


image8. I do great things and you don’t:

 

Example: “Wow the red carpet at The Grammys is much harder to walk on than I expected.”

It’s not really your fault that this update is annoying. But it is. Mainly because we are jealous you. But you already know that.


9. I am loved. Jealous much?:

 

Example: “Just hangin with my boo! Love you honey!” (Which is accompanied by a self portrait of the couple with half their heads cut off)

You are in a relationship. We are so proud of you. Really great. Let us know when the wedding is…but stop writing updates every single day mentioning that you are IN A RELATIONSHIP. Did you ever notice happily married people don’t do this?


image10. Whining, whining and whining:

 

Example: “I am so sick today and my car needs new brakes and my kids are bugging the crap out of me. Plus ugh what is with this weather. Why get out of bed?”

I know sometimes life is hard. And we all don’t have therapists or hell, even anyone who will listen to us. So complaining on FB is not completely ruled out. But if you are complaining, whining and generally updating us all with your misery every single day, there is a good chance after a while no one will be listening, because everyone will hide your updates.


image11. T.M. E.- Too Much Information EVERYTHING:

 

Example: “The doctor said the lump on the inside of my thigh (the right one not the left one this time) will improve with regular massage and possible injections. But I am such a bleeder I hate getting shots, especially with my anxiety problem. But I can go back on my medication once my settlement check comes.”

Ah. First of all. GROSS and second of all….do not share any medical information on Facebook please. I don’t even want to know that you are going to the doctor. It is weird and personal and who are you again?


image12. I have buns of steel you are a sloth:

 

Example: “Off to the gym. I love going twice a day. I can get my 115 mile run in on the treadmill in the morning and then at night I take two zumba classes back to back! “

What can I say here? All this update does is make the rest of us feel like well…sloths. Knock it off will ya?


image13. How about a fight?:

 

Example: “Anyone who makes fun of Palin hates all women.”

Writing updates that might reflect how you feel, but are sure to incite angry comments just so you can yell and rant about your political viewpoint is super-mega annoying. Remember, just like attending a party, FB is a place to show respect for everyone in attendance. I am not saying you shouldn’t share your political view point- but doing it in a way that is one-sided and broad general statements is pretty lame.


Marcy’s last word: Okay I need to be honest and say while I have done #1, #5 and oh hell yeah #7. I have NEVER done #2, #4 or #11. And #12? Well if you see that on one of my updates you will know my account has been hacked. And you should send over a Vanilla Latte to help ease my pain.

 

**Special thank you to all the GlamReaders who follow me on Facebook who helped contribute ideas to this list. Oh and if you don’t follow me on Facebook…why not? :)

How about you? Do you agree with this list of 13 reasons to hide someone on Facebook?

Hey! If you enjoy this post you might also like The Official Guide to Facebook Profile Pics.

The classics. As I see it.

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Okay the suspense is killing me. Can anyone please tell me WHAT the top secret Christmas-tree shaped project is??? What could it be? One of Marie’s dolls? How about plans for another creepy brother-sister talk show come back? Maybe it is the book of Mormon as told by Father Osmond. Oh someone tell me!

Oh you gotta read the rest….

My good fortune. Or not.

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I am one of those stupid people who actually open up their mass produced fortune cookie after Chinese food with the hope that it will contain actual wisdom passed down to me from Buddha himself. In my HEAD I know they are just made up stupidness printed at a factory in San Francisco, but part [...]

Oh you gotta read the rest….

His off season…

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You may recall I saw Santa recently at a car show, and last week I ran into him in Newport. I wasn’t sure at first it was him, but the front of his shirt said ‘North Pole’ and the back? Well, as you can see…I am certain it was HIM.

Oh you gotta read the rest….

The cat isn’t even black.

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So I was thinking now that I have become a minister, I might want to start becoming other stuff too. You know just for a killer business card. Marcy Massura Wife, Mother, Blogger, Minister and Mystic Master Witch.   I am particularly attracted to the part in the ad which promises “Freedom From Worry”. I [...]

Oh you gotta read the rest….

My Crabby Fun

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Yesterday we had another great time meeting friends at Joes Crab Shack in Newport Beach. (Remember our first visit?) That is my friend Dan showing off this King Crab leg to the table, with the killer Newport Bay view behind. I love this place because your food comes in a bucket, they have endless paper [...]

Oh you gotta read the rest….

“The Bible lasts a long time”

Apparently it was “I got JEW Babe” originally. Happy Sunday Association readers. Now go read your bible and “find out where music is coming from”.

Oh you gotta read the rest….

If My Little Ponies took over the world. It could happen.

See I only have boys. So I never had to experience the hell joy of having a toy box full of pastel colored miniature equine. So in my empathy for that experience- I give you this video. Fav part? VERY end. “Giddy-Up”

Oh you gotta read the rest….

See you at Glamour Girls!

   I have taken my fair share of family portraits in my photography career. And I have always worked hard to make sure they look natural and comfortable. Well, as natural and comfortable as you can look standing 2 inches from your family and smiling. But recenlty I was sent a link (by several of [...]

Oh you gotta read the rest….